1,060 Miles.

For my final blog post, I went back and forth on whether or not to write on the prompt about first heartbreak. My romantic life has always been something extremely personal and private and I don’t generally share the details of my love life with any except those that need to know (i.e. my boyfriend or my best friends).

However, this situation is unique because this heartbreak is happening to me right now. I know what you’re thinking: how did she get this far in her life without experiencing heartbreak? I’m not saying I’ve never been upset over a boy. I had two high-school serious relationships prior but never really emotionally invested myself in a real relationship until I came to college.  I remain adamant in my stance on details remaining private, due to the sensitive material in the story of my heartbreak, but I also believe that my heartbreak is a story worth sharing.

It all started at the end of my first semester at TCU, the halfway point of his junior year. We met through a mutual friend at a fraternity house; we were all there to watch a football game. We didn’t hit it off right there, mostly because I was shy and how can you tear a man away from his football game? However, the Facebook friendship and mutual Twitter follows soon ensued and we began talking over Christmas break.

The first few months of our relationship were a whirlwind, hanging out several nights a week and talking and texting non-stop. He was in charge of a summer project for his fraternity and I spent a few months at a Christian beach project during the following summer so our contact grew a little strained because of how busy we were, but we remained in contact. Towards the end of the summer, we parted ways, trying to focus on other things in our lives. He was going to graduate in a year and I couldn’t have any distractions during my sophomore slump. As he experienced one of his best years, I experienced my worst and at the end of the year, we couldn’t stay away from each other for much longer.

I remained in Fort Worth for the summer on orientation staff and he got an internship that traveled but during his off time, he stayed with his parents in their Fort Worth home. We spent most of our days together and things picked up like we had never been apart. As the summer came to a close, he was without a job and school was starting up for me again. We vowed to remain close and make time for each other, and we did up until very recently.

Various factors resulted in our growing apart again, no matter what our feelings for each other were. We both needed to single-handedly take care of some very personal issues. Before we knew it, this great guy who had been a phone call and a mile away had received a job offer for an awesome position. The only problem is that he has to move to Charlotte, North Carolina in January.

Again, my flaw of selfishness reveals itself. Tears and anger out of selfishness perpetuated the true feeling of heartbreak. I’m not too sure what to do without my right hand man just down the street from me, like he has been for the past two years.

Though I am being incredibly selfish, I am also so proud of him for realizing his passions and following his heart. Heartbreak is teaching me that I don’t need a man to make me happy and how to reign in my selfish side. As cheesy as it sounds, though he may be moving 1,060 miles away, if it’s meant to be, we will find a way. And if it’s not, there is something so great for both of us ahead. How can we deny that for each other? I love him, and though it hurts now, I know that I have to endure heartbreak to know how great true happiness and love can be.

Sic 'Em Frogs?

I’m a little disappointed that I’m having the write these last two blog posts on something other than my conversation partner. I was apparently enjoying my time with Bayan more than she was, because she seems to have just stopped responding to my emails and texts. I’m not giving up, but I also want to be sure that I have my final two blogs taken care of for the worst-case scenario.

I browsed through the topics and found several that I could easily write about but two stood out to be above the rest. The first one that I have chosen to write about is a time when I experienced great disappointment. It is with great pain that I write this post, due to the fact that I now find it very embarrassing. There was a point in time that I wanted nothing more to be a Baylor Bear. Shocking, I know. However, I am choosing to share this story because upon reflecting on the situation, I realize that it reveals the selfishness of the human nature and one of my biggest flaws. Something that was truly a blessing to me I viewed as a burden because it wasn’t what I wanted at the time. Let me back up and explain the entire situation so that there is some context.

When I was deciding which college to attend, the determining factor was always money. I knew where I wanted to go (Baylor) and I put blinders on in regards to any other school. My parents tried to fight me and take my blinders away, but I was adamant in my enrollment at Baylor.

For me, I was not only receiving academic scholarships, but also scholarships for my musical ability. As the scholarship notifications began to fill my mailbox, my choices began to narrow. I had my options narrowed down to TCU, Baylor, and Oklahoma State University and at this point, it depended solely on how much money I received. However, I was still dead-set on attending Baylor. Before receiving my scholarship to TCU, I paid my deposit and found a roommate at Baylor. For me, there was no other option.

During the last week of February, I received a phone call from TCU. I was shocked to hear the voice on the other end of the phone extend a full tuition scholarship. I casually hung up the phone after saying “thank you!” because I was already enrolled at Baylor, right? WRONG.

My parents promptly picked up the phone and called TCU back, informing them that I would be accepting the scholarship without any discussion with me. This perfect life I had planned down in Waco was quickly ripped from under my feet as fast as I planned it. To say I was disappointed would be a gross understatement.

In retrospect, I wonder how I could be so selfish. This school wanted me so badly that they offered to pay for my entire schooling and all I could say was “thanks but no thanks.” Looking back, I cringe at the thought that I was almost a Bear. I cringe at the thought that I almost passed up the biggest blessing of my life.

After reluctantly accepting my fate as a Horned Frog, I retracted my Baylor deposit and transferred it to TCU. I filled out a housing application, signed up for Orientation and Frog Camp, and found a roommate. These little decisions that used to be my most disappointing memories soon turned into my greatest happiness. To think about it now, I simply can’t imagine my life anywhere else.

I guess it’s true what they say: everything happens for a reason, and everyone ends up where they’re supposed to be. Once a desirous Bear, I now can’t even think about being less than a Horned Frog and less than the best.

Scenes from a midnight premiere: Catching Fire Edition.

            As I mentioned in my last post about my conversation partner meeting, I attended the midnight premiere of “Catching Fire” last night. What a phenomenal movie. A fan of the Hunger Games trilogy for a while, I have been anxiously awaiting the film adaptations.

            However, if there’s one thing I love more than the Hunger Games, it’s people. People are so interesting. People are so funny. As strange as it sounds, I just love to observe people, and you can’t observe people without laughing at them. They’re weird, they’re quirky, and they each have strange things that are unique to them. What better place to observe people than at a midnight premiere of a movie with a cult following?

            The thing about midnight premieres is that you can’t just show up at midnight and expect to get a good seat. You have to show up early, sit in line, and hope that you get into the theatre before the other die hard fans so that you and all of your friends can sit together. My group and I got there at about 9:30 and it was clear to us that the people in front of us in line had been there for quite some time.

            So I sit down with my group and just start to look around. Who else shares my affinity for apocalyptic culture, Team Gale, and fashionable clothes from the Capitol? Judging by the amount of people there, many people.

            We have the couple at the front of the line, holding hands since they got to the theatre (probably around 7:00). It looks as if they’ve eaten a couple of meals since they arrived, taking turns holding down the pole position. The next group is a group of twenty something girls passing around an iPad, sharing The Game of Life (hey, you have to pass the time somehow!)

            Next is my group, which includes myself, two of my roommates, and our sorority littles. I would say we’re fairly normal, by my standards. Other people in line include a very large group of college freshmen, who have all taken off their shoes and camped out, playing loud games with their entire group. Madi even showed up with her dance team and they were all dressed up as different characters from the movie. Madi made a stunning President Snow, of course.

            As I looked around, I laughed. I didn’t laugh out of spite or out of hatred, but just because humans are so fascinating. I can’t sit here and say that I don’t have weird habits. I’m sure people laugh at me when I can’t sit still, my foot constantly tapping a rhythmic patter, or when I compulsively check my Twitter feed every two minutes, even though I know nothing has changed. I laugh because I wonder: how can all of these different people be here, in the same place, brought together by a love of a movie? Even now, as I type this, I’m laughing because I think about how cool the concept is.

            So next time you’re in a public place, whether it’s the airport on your way home for the holidays or the lobby of Reed before class, look around and see how funny people can be. And then think about it this way: all of these people are doing the same thing as you. They are flying home to cuddle with their puppies and eat turkey for Thanksgiving and they are studying for finals and cramming eight page papers into one night. Just like you. And then, I encourage you to laugh, because it really is cool. We are so vastly different, but we are also all the same.

Just a Phone Call Away.

I don’t know if y’all know this or not, but it is cold outside. It seems like just yesterday it was sunny and 75 (but maybe that’s because it was…). I went into the movie theatre just before the midnight premiere of “Catching Fire” last night and though rainy and windy, it was bearable. When I walked back out the same doors two and a half hours later, the thermometer read a bitter 35 degrees.

With that being said, you can bet I didn’t wake up feeling that well this morning. I went to my classes and my meetings and just felt miserable. However, I knew I had planned a meeting with Bayan (it would be our fourth… WOW!) and I didn’t want to miss that for anything. As fate would have it, Bayan was feeling under the weather, too. The thing was, I really didn’t want to miss this meeting with her. I really look forward to and enjoy our time we have together and it really brightens the end of my week.

So that’s when I struck a compromise: why don’t we have our fourth meeting via phone call? It’s not like she’s out of the country or anything… A phone call might be just what we need to get to feeling better. Additionally, this would be a great opportunity for me to continue to enrich myself with Bayan’s culture, and due to the nature of our conversation, Bayan would get to work on her English skills because we would be lacking all non-verbals (I’m sure your skin is crawling right now, Ashlyn).

I will admit: I actually hate phone calls. There is something so awkward about not being able to see someone’s face and visible emotions when you’re talking to them. I thought I had gotten over all of my fears with my conversation partner, but of course it never ends. Here’s to conquering your fears.

So I called her. We started with the basic small talk and I realized that this was going to be more difficult than I expected. I soon found myself wishing I had her non-verbals to give me some context for what she was talking about. But we soon got used to it and settled into a conversation like we were together and no time had passed since our last encounter.

Of course, our first topic of conversation was the weather. I feel like we always make some sort of mention of the weather because Bayan is never happy with the Texas climate. It never really gets below 70 degrees in Saudi Arabia so she just doesn’t know how to handle the rapidly changing weather of Texas.

We never stay on the topic for too long because we always have bigger and better things to discuss. As usual, Bayan always asks about me and about my week. When I told her about my trip to the midnight premiere of “Catching Fire,” she was so confused by the concept. Why do you stay up so late to see a movie? Why is the movie not until midnight?

Well, Bayan, I’m not sure I can tell you these answers. I’m still not sure why I thought that it would be a good idea. But talking about movies (one of my passions) helped me to connect with her. Bayan doesn’t really have time to watch movies but she loves the ones she does get to watch. Every interaction I have with Bayan amazes me. Though our cultures are extremely different, we are still so connected. This phone call just made me realize that no matter how far away Bayan and I are, neither of us is more than a phone call away.

University Days.

            Today marked my third meeting with Bayan. As these meetings become more regular, I’m beginning to find a deeper appreciation for our meetings and see the value in the time that I spend with her. Bayan is one of the most caring people I have ever met; before I can ever ask her any questions, she never fails to ask me about my week. What’s even more is that she is so intentional. She always remembers the things I tell her about in our previous meetings. This week, she asked me about my stressful week: how did my presentations go, how did my interviews go, what did I get on my test on Monday? I admire her so much, and because I know how much she loves meeting with me, it makes me love meeting with her even more.

            After we made it through the beginning small talk of how our weeks were and what we were doing for the weekend, she reminded me of something that I sometimes lose sight of in the mess of projects and tests: these years we spend in college are supposed to be the time of our life. Nothing can compare to the years we spend in college; this is where we make our lifelong friends, find our passions, and most importantly, discover ourselves.

            Bayan’s undergraduate experience was vastly different than mine, and she doesn’t hesitate to remind me of all of the opportunities we have as American students that she just didn’t get in her undergraduate experience in Saudi Arabia. In Saudi Arabia, they only have a few colleges with just a few majors, such as business, journalism (Bayan studied journalism!), and political science. Being a music major, the fact that I have the opportunity to study only music blows Bayan’s mind.

            She also reminded me of how fortunate we are as students at a university as great as TCU. She doesn’t understand why I don’t take advantage of all of the programs that TCU offers (i.e. the speakers, guest lecturers, and service programs) because that is something that you simply don’t find elsewhere. We are truly blessed to attend an institution like TCU; nothing quite compares to the 4-7 years we spend here.

            By talking about our passion for TCU, Bayan allowed me to talk about my passion for higher education. She doesn’t quite understand that graduate program I want to pursue (student affairs) but we were able to find common group in the preparation process for grad school. We talked about the GRE and GPA requirements and which schools had good programs for our desired degrees. She still wouldn’t let me forget that I am fortunate to spend my undergrad time here, with a beautiful campus, surrounded by intelligent friends and supportive faculty. At times, school can be stressful. Tests are difficult, presentations are nerve-wracking, and papers are tedious. But at the end of the day, we are immensely blessed to go to school in America, where people of different genders, races, sexualities, and backgrounds have (generally) the same opportunities.

            This particular meeting with Bayan really put things into perspective for me. I get stressed out very easily, but if I realize how fortunate I am, the stress can be easily controlled. Bayan thinks that she’s learning more from me, but the truth is that I am learning so much more than she could ever imagine. I love my time with Bayan. As always, we parted ways with plans to meet at the same time next week, and as always, I am counting down the days until we get to converse again. Bayan is becoming less of a forced contact and more of a friend, and that is in itself a blessing.