1,060 Miles.

For my final blog post, I went back and forth on whether or not to write on the prompt about first heartbreak. My romantic life has always been something extremely personal and private and I don’t generally share the details of my love life with any except those that need to know (i.e. my boyfriend or my best friends).

However, this situation is unique because this heartbreak is happening to me right now. I know what you’re thinking: how did she get this far in her life without experiencing heartbreak? I’m not saying I’ve never been upset over a boy. I had two high-school serious relationships prior but never really emotionally invested myself in a real relationship until I came to college.  I remain adamant in my stance on details remaining private, due to the sensitive material in the story of my heartbreak, but I also believe that my heartbreak is a story worth sharing.

It all started at the end of my first semester at TCU, the halfway point of his junior year. We met through a mutual friend at a fraternity house; we were all there to watch a football game. We didn’t hit it off right there, mostly because I was shy and how can you tear a man away from his football game? However, the Facebook friendship and mutual Twitter follows soon ensued and we began talking over Christmas break.

The first few months of our relationship were a whirlwind, hanging out several nights a week and talking and texting non-stop. He was in charge of a summer project for his fraternity and I spent a few months at a Christian beach project during the following summer so our contact grew a little strained because of how busy we were, but we remained in contact. Towards the end of the summer, we parted ways, trying to focus on other things in our lives. He was going to graduate in a year and I couldn’t have any distractions during my sophomore slump. As he experienced one of his best years, I experienced my worst and at the end of the year, we couldn’t stay away from each other for much longer.

I remained in Fort Worth for the summer on orientation staff and he got an internship that traveled but during his off time, he stayed with his parents in their Fort Worth home. We spent most of our days together and things picked up like we had never been apart. As the summer came to a close, he was without a job and school was starting up for me again. We vowed to remain close and make time for each other, and we did up until very recently.

Various factors resulted in our growing apart again, no matter what our feelings for each other were. We both needed to single-handedly take care of some very personal issues. Before we knew it, this great guy who had been a phone call and a mile away had received a job offer for an awesome position. The only problem is that he has to move to Charlotte, North Carolina in January.

Again, my flaw of selfishness reveals itself. Tears and anger out of selfishness perpetuated the true feeling of heartbreak. I’m not too sure what to do without my right hand man just down the street from me, like he has been for the past two years.

Though I am being incredibly selfish, I am also so proud of him for realizing his passions and following his heart. Heartbreak is teaching me that I don’t need a man to make me happy and how to reign in my selfish side. As cheesy as it sounds, though he may be moving 1,060 miles away, if it’s meant to be, we will find a way. And if it’s not, there is something so great for both of us ahead. How can we deny that for each other? I love him, and though it hurts now, I know that I have to endure heartbreak to know how great true happiness and love can be.

Sic 'Em Frogs?

I’m a little disappointed that I’m having the write these last two blog posts on something other than my conversation partner. I was apparently enjoying my time with Bayan more than she was, because she seems to have just stopped responding to my emails and texts. I’m not giving up, but I also want to be sure that I have my final two blogs taken care of for the worst-case scenario.

I browsed through the topics and found several that I could easily write about but two stood out to be above the rest. The first one that I have chosen to write about is a time when I experienced great disappointment. It is with great pain that I write this post, due to the fact that I now find it very embarrassing. There was a point in time that I wanted nothing more to be a Baylor Bear. Shocking, I know. However, I am choosing to share this story because upon reflecting on the situation, I realize that it reveals the selfishness of the human nature and one of my biggest flaws. Something that was truly a blessing to me I viewed as a burden because it wasn’t what I wanted at the time. Let me back up and explain the entire situation so that there is some context.

When I was deciding which college to attend, the determining factor was always money. I knew where I wanted to go (Baylor) and I put blinders on in regards to any other school. My parents tried to fight me and take my blinders away, but I was adamant in my enrollment at Baylor.

For me, I was not only receiving academic scholarships, but also scholarships for my musical ability. As the scholarship notifications began to fill my mailbox, my choices began to narrow. I had my options narrowed down to TCU, Baylor, and Oklahoma State University and at this point, it depended solely on how much money I received. However, I was still dead-set on attending Baylor. Before receiving my scholarship to TCU, I paid my deposit and found a roommate at Baylor. For me, there was no other option.

During the last week of February, I received a phone call from TCU. I was shocked to hear the voice on the other end of the phone extend a full tuition scholarship. I casually hung up the phone after saying “thank you!” because I was already enrolled at Baylor, right? WRONG.

My parents promptly picked up the phone and called TCU back, informing them that I would be accepting the scholarship without any discussion with me. This perfect life I had planned down in Waco was quickly ripped from under my feet as fast as I planned it. To say I was disappointed would be a gross understatement.

In retrospect, I wonder how I could be so selfish. This school wanted me so badly that they offered to pay for my entire schooling and all I could say was “thanks but no thanks.” Looking back, I cringe at the thought that I was almost a Bear. I cringe at the thought that I almost passed up the biggest blessing of my life.

After reluctantly accepting my fate as a Horned Frog, I retracted my Baylor deposit and transferred it to TCU. I filled out a housing application, signed up for Orientation and Frog Camp, and found a roommate. These little decisions that used to be my most disappointing memories soon turned into my greatest happiness. To think about it now, I simply can’t imagine my life anywhere else.

I guess it’s true what they say: everything happens for a reason, and everyone ends up where they’re supposed to be. Once a desirous Bear, I now can’t even think about being less than a Horned Frog and less than the best.